The Caregiver Needs Caregiving - A Nurse's Cry

Nursing Pajamas

I have worked in the field of nursing for over twenty years. I have been an R.N. (a real nurse). I never heard that phrase until I began working in the hospital setting. Actually, it was an L.P.N. (Licensed Practical Nurse) who referred to R.N.'s as the "real nurses." Well, if my memory serves me correctly, when I was a graduate nurse working at Shore Memorial Hospital in Somers Point, New Jersey back in 1984, it was the L.P.N.'s who showed me the ropes of how to be a "real nurse." But that was years ago, over twenty to be exact. I am certainly no longer a graduate nurse, but I have graduated to the growing number of nurses suffering from burnout. Too many days of not enough nurses. Too many demands
for turkey sandwiches and ice water . . . when you haven't even medicated a post-op patient. I have learned that the turkey sandwich and ice water mean ever bit as much to an incapacitated patient than the pain medication that needs to be administered. So, you take a good look around to find "someone" to help you. There is no one. YOU are it.

Nursing Pajamas

YOU are it day after day, shift after shift. Your eight hour shift turns into a nine or ten hour shift. Your twelve hour shift . . . well we won't even go there. On second thought, I will go there. A twelve hour turns into a fourteen hour shift. I must ask, "Who works like this?" I mean steady working. Sometimes no breaks that is, unless you are a smoker (no offense smokers). Somehow smokers find the time
that non smokers can't seem to find to leave a floor for fifteen minutes or so every hour and a half. I used to get upset but I don't even get upset any more. It is how they cope. I seriously thought about taking up the nasty habit just so I could escape like the smokers, but I value my lungs far too much. So, I don't pay it any more attention when nurses leave, dragging on their Winston's (if they still make
them . . . I wouldn't know as a non-smoker).

A great friend of mine, who I met when I was a home health nurse, got to the point where
she didn't want to go to work any longer. She dreaded work. I used to think, "Poor thing." Well, at the time, I didn't know I was next in line to becoming the "poor thing."

Burnout happens slowly but when the final stage of it appears, it smacks you in the face and knocks you down flat. You become like a child who screams, "I don't want to go to school!" (but in your case it is work) Unlike the child, you have responsibilities and many of them. You can't just shut down.
But, there is something greater than responsibility that hollers out, "If you don't stop, you are going to really lose it, and I mean lose it." Before the end of burnout comes around, you begin to get the dreads. You literally dread going to work. Look it up in Websters: "a profound and deep-seated spiritual condition of insecurity and despair in the free human being.".

Let one or ten more things compound this feeling of dreading your job and you are like a sinking ship. That is, unless you throw up your hands and say, "I need help." "I really can't do this any longer." So, you call your work. You take a deep breath. "I can't come in." The "caregiver" needs care--desperately. They write your name as a no show for the next shift. The guilt sets in. At 5:15 the hospital staffing secretary calls to see if you are coming in that day. I learn about the 5:15 call when the 7:15 a.m. call comes. "Are you coming in?" "The floor (the unit where I would have been assigned for that day) is looking for you." There has definitely been a lapse in communication. The pit in my stomach has intensified.

I was awakened by their call for help. It was obvious that my plea was totally disregarded. I call again later in the morning. This time, I speak to a nurse who I think may understand. I explain to her that today is my anniversary, my husband is 1000 miles away asking for a divorce, I have a fourteen year old who every word out of her mouth is, "Can you?", I have a home in Florida that I left to the tenant who has also placed many demands on me, I have daughter who is working on her Master's Degree and who works full time in Child Protective Services who recently had called to tell me she is pregnant, and THEN, there is the hospital calling me at the but crack of dawn after I had already explained to them that the candle is no longer burning. Nobody knows the effort it has been taking for me to do simple things like go grocery shopping, take my daughter to school after she has missed the bus, or just sitting down to pay the bills.

I decide to take control of this situation before it does any further damage. I have to be make myself more important that my job at this point because if I don't take care of myself, I can see that no one else will. I tell the nurse that I won't be coming in today, or tonight (I had scheduled myself 7 a.m.- 3:30 p.m., take an 8 hour break then come back 11 p.m. - 7-3:30 a.m. (all so I can get the hours in so I have more time off)). I tell them I probably won't be coming in for a twelve hour shift on Thursday either. I schedule an appointment with an Employee Assistance Counselor . . . but I can't go in until Tuesday, which is seven days away. I asked the nurse/receptionist, "What am I supposed to do until then?" Her suggestion was this, "Get up in the morning and put your uniform on and just do it." I stuffed the scream and calmly said to her, "I have been doing that for a few months now. Getting up and doing it all over again and again. I am beyond that. I can no longer get up and put my uniform on. I want to keep my pajamas on and do nothing. I want to sit and watch a comedy on television, maybe eat a bon bon or two. ANYTHING, but put a uniform on and go in to take care of five, six or seven needy patients with no nurses aide or patient care tech to help me.

I will go back. But, I will get well first. There is an old adage, physician heal thyself. Well, this is nurse heal thyself. I will get the help I need. A Chaplain at the hospital suggested that I check into a local Holiday Inn (by myself, of course), take a bubble bath and meditate on the Lord's words that He would comfort me and protect me from all harm. He told me that I could rest on the assurance that the Lord knows what I am going through and that He would help me through it.

I will be o.k. I have always been o.k. But burnout sure is scary when it happens. The initial phase is worthy of your attention. When you dread ANYTHING, pay attention. Dread isn't normal. Dread will kill your spirit and take your physical body along with it. If any of this sounds familiar, whatever your profession or job, don't be afraid to ask for help. No amount of money is worth your mind. Your mind is your most valuable asset God has given you. Make arrangements with work. ASK for others to help you. People care about you more than you might think. If you don't have the time off, ask creditors to work with you. Tell them exactly what is going on. You will be surprised at the response. Everyone needs a nurse at some point in their lives . . so it is to their benefit to help you so YOU can help them.

Sincerely, Miriam Susong, R.N.

The Caregiver Needs Caregiving - A Nurse's Cry
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